My Brain on Age

According to a certain old saying, we live and learn.

I have found that to be true for the most part, but not entirely. Sometimes we just live.

So, using the tools of fading memory and blind faith so vital to the completely unqualified amateur scientist, I've compiled a series of topics, circumstances and reactions that illustrate how the years have educated and/or baffled me. (If you followed the twists of that last sentence, I promise the rest of this article will be child's play.)

Education

My 1970s High School Brain: “So the plan is: graduate high school, head to college, then law school and in no time I'll be solving cases like Judd for the Defense on TV.”

My 21^st Century 50-Something Brain: “Now that I'm laid off and watching TV 15 hours a day I wonder if I should start my second career at the University of Phoenix, IT Tech or that Harley-Davidson repair school.”

Sports

My 1970s High School Brain: “This week we play Darby-Colwyn and Yeadon, and I'll get to start because our second baseman is out.”

My 21^st Century 50-Something Brain: “I coughed and now my back is out.”

Sex on TV

My 1970s High School Brain: “Can you believe what they said on Three's Company last night?”

My 21^st Century 50-Something Brain: “Can you believe what they showed on Cinemax last night?”

Women

My 1970s High School Brain: “Short skirts or hot pants? I can't decide which I like most!”

My 21^st Century 50-Something Brain: “Short tempers or hot flashes? I can't decide which I've seen most!”

The Prom

My 1970s High School Brain: “Color My World … what a great prom theme. (That's why my tux is nine different colors of blue and my ruffled shirt is pink.)”

My 21^st Century 50-Something Brain: “Why do all the girls look 25 and all the boys look 12?”

Gym Class

My 1970s High School Brain: “So, exactly what bizarre set of circumstances will force me to climb a rope that just happens to be hanging from the center of the ceiling?”

My 21^st Century 50-Something Brain: “Do they still have to wear white gym shorts and T-shirts while they play Wii-volleyball?”

Computers

My 1970s High School Brain: “Dave reserved a half hour online time tomorrow at 3 a.m. to test his 200-punch card program on the giant computer at West Chester.”

My 21^st Century 50-Something Brain: “My 10-year-old niece taught me Facebook.”

Movies

My 1970s High School Brain: “I can't wait to see Clash of the Titans.”

My 21^st Century 50-Something Brain: “I can't wait to see Clash of the Titans.”

Philosophy

My 1970s High School Brain: “I'm generally more liberal, but I do believe in the conservative law and order agenda.”

My 21^st Century 50-Something Brain: “I'm a stickler about never missing an episode of Law & Order in the 20 years it's been on TV.”

Politics

My 1970s High School Brain: “I never thought I'd see the day when an actor could be elected president.”

My 21^st Century 50-Something Brain: “I never thought I'd see the day when a Hawaiian could be elected president.”

As Jerry Garcia (not to be confused with former and possibly future Eagles backup quarterback Jeff Garcia) once said … “What a long, strange trip it's been.”